


Natasha

by queervulcan



Series: Blossomed [1]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Flashbacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-28 19:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3867232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queervulcan/pseuds/queervulcan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha and Bruce learn to grow together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Natasha

**Author's Note:**

> this was made at 1 am so please dont go crazy over mistakes i may have made. each story is from the opposite POV looking at their partner. so it would be bruce looking at natasha, and nat looking at bruce.

Some days are better than others. Some days are spent hunched over a toilet seat, or twisted and shivering under the covers, while the other partner desperately tries to calm them down.

Some days Natasha still has flashbacks at random points during the day. She always insists there was no trigger, but Bruce knows better. The only trigger needed was the quiet.

Natasha never speaks of her nightmares, but one isn’t a scientist without having developed insomnia. Though he only questions occasionally, he brings her back to earth after screaming out his name, begging him to not leave again, not like last time.

* * *

It had only been a month since Bruce’s return after vanishing.

It breaks’ Bruce’s heart each time to see the woman he fell reluctantly in love with whimpering as she witnesses another murder, being replayed over and over like a broken record player.

Each time Natasha shakes in his arms, he smooths back her sweat sticky hair and croons into her ear.

* * *

Secretly, Bruce started buying psychology books, and they all say that losing someone suddenly and without any answers as to why can cause post-traumatic stress disorder. Secretly, Natasha knows he buys the books. Pepper does her bank statements for a reason.

Bruce also knows that Natasha has many reasons to be angry and sad, and he is at the very bottom of the list.

But it has been years since she started Avengers and years longer since she was a master assassin. Though even that time period is unrealistic. Bruce knows that scars like that hardly ever fade.

* * *

 

Days after brutal nightmares are spent tiptoeing around the home Tony bought them. They pass hot cocoa to each other, and sit on the couch. Natasha curls her feet under her legs, and she leans on Bruce for more than just physical support.

Some days, she evens unwinds enough to share her past with him. Bruce listens quietly as Natasha shakily explains what it was like growing up in Russia, being forced to do the bidding of madmen. She also explains how she got a rush with each murder, and how she was disgusted with herself for days afterwards. She compares it to Vesper Lynd, when she watched Bond murder a man and couldn’t get the blood off afterwards. Bruce may be a nerd, but he is not this type of nerd. Natasha can’t help but laugh and explains that Bond sucked her fingers, and then held her like a treasure. There is something in Natasha’s voice that Bruce can’t pinpoint, and after a few seconds, Natasha rolls her eyes and sits up. Bruce can’t help but feel disappointed.

It isn’t until days later that Natasha gets a text telling her to wear her most comfortable clothes as they were going to be having a Bond marathon. That night is the first and only time that Bruce sees Natasha’s fearsome exterior crack. He can’t help but feel as though he has won the grand prize, even as he wipes Natasha’s tears with the pads of his thumbs and kisses her tear tracks away.

* * *

Natasha was always a perfectionist, a remnant of her time in the Red Room. Because of this, Bruce knows that the smashed cups and chipped crockery are no accidents.

They are remnants of flashbacks from the mess Ultron made.

Natasha knows that it has been years since she last stepped in Russia, but sometimes it feels as if she was there just yesterday.

On her bad days, she remembers the dull, cold metal as it pressed against her thighs. She remembers the pain of standing up after the surgery had been over, of being forced to dance as if nothing was wrong and she wasn’t bleeding her insides out like a slaughtered pig, and even though she knew it was illogical, she had felt lighter and heavier than she ever did.

She remembers the sense of worthlessness that accompanied each day of being in the Red Room.

She remembers the sound of her first faced murder, and the sound of wet matter hitting the floor. She remembers the silence that came afterwards, followed by the sound of the gun falling to the wood. She remembers watching as life left the man’s eyes. She had refused to speak for a month afterwards, until one day she snapped and took up her guns again.

* * *

 

After Bruce returned, Natasha made it a point to know where he was always going.

When questioned, she laughed it off by saying she had to protect his butt as he would be too busy geeking out with Tony.

Everyone on the team heard the message underneath though, the very real fear she had that if she turned her back too long, then Bruce might disappear again and this time he may not come back.

Bruce makes it a habit to always tell her where she is, sometimes even including photos, but those were usually just of a current experiment he’s working on or, the one time that became her phone background, of a photo Tony took when Bruce was absorbed in his work, and how the harsh lines in his face had softened and he looked like he was at peace for once. Natasha would smile and attach a photo of something she was training with.

* * *

At night, Natasha creeps into their bedroom on her toes, always on high alert as she was raised to do. She will admit that it has saved her life once or twice, to be this cautious, but even Bruce can see the point where it is useful and then becomes harmful.

Natasha would check in the attached bathroom, checking all the surfaces for anything that wasn’t there earlier then will go out and scan the bedroom. It would take her hours before she finally allowed her body to relax. By then, Bruce is snoring and Natasha treasures the moments she sees Bruce in such a natural state, not where his face is pinched with stress.

Every night, Natasha will curl herself around his body, and bask in the heat the man radiates like a furnace, and she will have nightmares, undoubtedly, but it is better now, knowing she won’t be facing them alone.


End file.
